AUSTIN — A soldier living in Lockhart is using his struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder to give other service members hope through a documentary called Frozen in War.
Andrew O’Brien tried to kill himself when he returned home from Iraq by overdosing in 2010.
The reason I attempted suicide was I felt alone, I felt weak for feeling the way I did, said O’Brien.
O’Brien says his best therapy is sharing his story, and he’s doing it at military installations across the country. You can find more information here.
I ll speak to a crowd of 100 soldiers and out of that 100, ten will come up and tell me their suicide attempt story,’ said O’Brien.
According to the Department of Veterans Affairs 22 veterans commit suicide every day.
Director Estephania LeBaron has followed O’Brien around the country for the past year, filming his journey of helping others. She has completed 20 minutes of the Frozen in War documentary and hopes to finish it this year. The goal is to screen it in theaters across the country and start a conversation.
It is so rewarding for me, said LeBaron. This helps the conversation begin.
LeBaron and O’Brien are raising money on Indiegogo to complete the documentary.
The founder of the Opus Project, nurse practitioner Deborah Grassman, is part of the documentary too. Her organization is focused on helping veterans heal. She started the group after working with 10,000 service members in hospice care, realizing they needed help and healing before the end of their life.
It s one thing to witness trauma, which all of our soldiers have, it’s another thing to have caused the trauma. That s a deeper level of injury, and it’s harder to come to peace with a deeper level of injury, said Grassman.
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There’s still so much we don’t understand about war vets and PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Why some experience it, but so many others don’t.
Why one vet can have symptoms right away, while another can be fine for years.
Now older generations of veterans from World War II, Korea and Vietnam are showing us that PTSD can actually be triggered late in life.
Especially when veterans are dying.
Wide awake, but the nightmares persist
When Brenda Jackson (Left) was really little, she’d get up in the night and find her dad, wide awake, holding his head in his hands.
“My dad was Lenwood Long. He served in the Pacific in World War II, and he saw a lot of combat,” says Jackson. “Ironically, we could never get him to talk about that time. We knew that he suffered, but we did not recognize it as PTSD.”
She remembers her father was more reserved when he got back from war. The family knew he had trouble sleeping – hence the nights spent with his head in has hands.
But it wasn’t until a stroke landed him in the VA hospital that they realized the extent of his trauma.
First, he started having nightmares while he was wide awake.
“And my dad was shaking and crying and he was seeing it right outside his window,” says Jackson.
“And I said ‘Daddy, is this real or is this just a dream?’ And he said ‘No, it’s real.'”
For the first time, Jackson’s dad told her what he’d seen in his nightmares ever since he came back from war.
“The man beside my dad was shot in the head right beside him. And all his life, that was his nightmare.”
“What it was, was as soon as they went over [from the U.S., my father’s unit] immediately went into combat. And in the foxhole they had dug, the man beside my dad was shot in the head right beside him. And all his life, that was his nightmare.”
Brenda Jackson is now 73, a retired nurse practitioner living outside St. Petersburg, Florida. Jackson’s father served in WWII. He started experiencing late-onset PTSD.
“Everything shifts at the end of life”
Jackson’s father was changing in other ways, too. He’d never had a short temper, but now he was snapping at his family, at the VA staff.
So they brought in Deborah Grassman, a nurse practitioner (Left) who’s been working with VA hospice patients for decades.
“Everything shifts at the end of life,” says Grassman. She recently spoke to groups in Lansing and Ann Arbor.
VA nurse Deborah Grassman travels the country, working with vets and hospice groups.
VA nurse Deborah Grassman travels the country, working with vets and hospice groups.
Credit Opus Peace
“Our conscious mind gets weaker. Our unconscious mind gets stronger. That has huge significance, because it means that the conscious mind doesn’t have the strength to keep those memories boxed up anymore. So they start seeping in.”
Grassman says she sees this kind of change all the time in older vets: their whole lives, they’ve been fighting to keep a lid on their trauma.
But old age changes that.
Whether it’s retirement, losing a loved one, confronting death and looking back, something about growing older can trigger traumatic memories.
It’s such a common symptom pattern that there’s even a name for it now: Late Onset Stress Symtomatology, or LOSS.
From the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs online National Center for PTSD:
“LOSS differs from PTSD in that LOSS appears to be closely related to the aging process.
People with LOSS might live most of their lives relatively well. They go to work and spend time with family and friends.
Then they begin to confront normal age-related changes such as retirement, loss of loved ones, and increased health problems. As they go through these stresses, they may start to have more feelings and thoughts about their military experiences.”
Or in the words of researchers at the Boston VA:
“LOSS is a hypothesized phenomenon among older veterans who:
(a) experienced highly stressful combat events in early adulthood;
(b) functioned successfully throughout their lives, with no chronic stress-related disorders; but
(c) begin to register increased combat-related thoughts, feelings, reminiscences, memories, or symptoms commensurate with the changes and challenges of aging, sometimes decades after their combat experiences. ”
So how many vets are dealing with LOSS?
It’s hard to tell.
But early studies show it could be fairly common.
One group of researchers found that nearly 1 in 3 older vets and ex-POWs from WWII and Korea were currently experiencing PTSD.
Healing, and the hope of a more peaceful death
For more than a decade now, VA nurse Deborah Grassman has been traveling around the country, presenting her findings about older vets and PTSD to hospice and veterans’ groups.
She says this time in veterans’ lives – as they’re entering hospice, and grappling with the end of their lives – is a fertile time for healing, even as it may be triggering earlier trauma.
Some of her advice is technical:
– Avoid Valium-type drugs that may increase feelings of helplessness in vets, since helplessness can actually act as a trigger for PTSD
– Be sensitive to whether older vets are reliving war experiences, in which case you want to avoid using trigger words (she recounts a VA nurse saying they were going to “blow up” an air mattress next to a vet’s bed, which sent the older vet into a panic)
But primarily, Grassman says there’s an opportunity here to let veterans tell their stories.
“A lot of times what I will say to people is just a simple question. I’ll say, ‘I’m just wondering, is there anything that might still be troubling you from that war?’ And then sit quietly. And then the story comes,” she says.
For Brenda Jackson, she believes her father was able to have a peaceful death, thanks to their new understanding of late-onet PTSD.
“I began to acknowledge to him that we understood [he had suffered],” she says.
“And we told him we would give him the time, and we wanted to be with him and we would not leave him. And then one Sunday, they have memorial services for the vets that have died over the last three months. And we had that on on the TV in the hospice room. And when they played taps, my dad took his last breath.”
The Korean War Veterans Memorial, May 1, 2008
Serving in the military changes one’s perspective on life, but often it also alters the way they face death. Ben Kieffer speaks with Deborah Grassman, the CEO and co-founder of Opus Peace. Opus Peace is a nonprofit organization whose mission is to help people work through trauma.
Prior to Opus Peace, Grassman worked as a nurse practitioner for three decades at the Department of Veterans Affairs. She was also the director of the VA’s hospice program and personally took care of over 10,000 dying veterans.
On Wednesday, March 26, Grassman will be speaking at the Coralville Public Library and on Thursday, March 27, she will be running a grief seminar at the Coralville Center for the Performing Arts.
➣ Creative Cocooning: A Process for Successful Change and Transition
by Pat McGuire
A cocoon is a safe place for dramatic change. Cultivating the courage to change is the purpose of cocooning. Personal losses, fears, and brokenness can then be used as catalysts for metamorphosis and growth. The concept of “cocooning” is important throughout the life cycle during times of transition: divorce, job change, entering/leaving the military, death, illness, mid-life changes, identity crises, aging, etc.
To achieve pervasive peace, we have to learn how to successfully navigate these changes — how to grow into deeper dimensions of ourselves so that we can accommodate new demands. These times of transition can be fraught with resistance and turmoil. Learning how to navigate transitions so we can let go of who we are and open up to who we are capable of becoming is invaluable. We call this process “cocooning.”
We spend much of our daily lives like caterpillars: mindlessly crawling along feeding habits that give us comfort, power, and security. Then, something (divorce, job change, death, illness, general disgruntlement, mid-life changes, identity crises, aging, etc.) interrupts our crawl, causing us to look beyond our horizons and long for butterflyness – a yearning that completes the destiny we were born to fulfill. The transformation from caterpillar to butterfly is largely ignored and avoided in the “feel good” culture that we live in. Yet, my experience has led me to realize that, paradoxically, the cocoon holds the secrets of healing. It is in the cocoon where successful transformation occurs.
Sadly, society feeds on false images that convince us that we can become butterflies without having to become cocooned. Advertisements and other cultural influences promote one of two approaches:
- Continued caterpillaredness (“You don’t have to change anything. Keep doing what you’re doing. Just buy our product or do what we tell you.”)
- Become a butterfly (“Buy our product and do what we tell you and you will magically transform without having to make any adjustments.”)
Neither of these approaches produces effective change. They only create frustration due to the repeated disappointment and guilt that is created! Thus, we don’t learn the cocooning process.
Yet, cocoons have much to teach us…
A crawling caterpillar spends most of its life devouring its food source, but when it is time to become an adult, it wanders away from food. It finds a sheltered, safe place to PUPATE, or transform, into an adult. It sheds its skin, revealing a protective shell known as a chrysalis, which protects the caterpillar while it transforms.
During this metamorphosis, much of the caterpillar’s body is broken down. It actually LIQUIFIES! During this liquified state, the cells are called IMAGINAL CELLS; they are like stem cells in humans. These cells become undifferentiated, developing the potential to become any type of needed cell. This transformation process is known as holometabolism and takes about two weeks for most species.
Thus, the “cocooning” process is a safe place for dramatic change. Change requires that we:
- Shed our skin and liquefy old habits and attitudes that keep us stuck in “same.” This means letting go of something we’re grasping (attitude, belief, relationship, habit, expectation, or even life itself). This invokes fear and resistance because it takes us away from our comfort zones. And,
- Build wing structures by listening to the Grace of our Being calling us into Butterflyness where we can redeem our destiny. This means opening up to something different, new, uncomfortable, uncertain. This, too, invokes fear and resistance because it takes us away from our comfort zones.
The Opus Peace Prayer
Cultivate in me, Oh God, the willingness to re-own and re-home scattered pieces of myself so that I might be restored to Your wholeness. Grow in me the honesty, courage, and humility to release my fears of who I am and who I am not. Fuel me with your Grace. Amen