➣ Good Grief: Those Who Grieve Well, Heal Well
by Deborah Grassman
Life is dramatically altered as people learn how to live in the world without their loved one in it. During the period after a death, little peace can be found initially.
The following letter is written by a woman who had avoided grief with the many deaths she had experienced. As a result, she became overwhelmed when her husband died. Luckily, she was amenable to learning how to grieve so that she could be transformed, finding peace. Here is the letter that she wrote describing the healing process:
How many times you have come with your black shroud wrapping your darkness around me. But I would only let your blackness be seen for a little while because as I looked into the eyes of others, I saw their pain so I quickly folded you and hid you within myself. As life went along, you came to me with each loss, but I always was quick to fold your black shroud and hide you away – thinking I was protecting those who could see your dark arms folding in around me.Then, I lost my husband, my dear love. You descended upon me, but I didn’t resist you this time. I let you wrap me in your black shrouded arms. As my tears flowed non-stop from my eyes and my spirit, it was as though you were inviting me on a journey with you, with places to stop along the way. I allowed you to take control, and like a little train, our journey began.The first stop was guilt. Could I have done more? Did I do enough? Did I give enough? I wish I had held my tongue. Could I have shown more understanding? This was a hard stop, but I let myself stay here long enough to examine these doubts. By doing that, I came to the satisfaction that I could have done no more than I could at the time with the strength I had. I had done the best I could with the circumstances I was dealing with.
So, Grief, I no longer fear you. I no longer feel I should hide you. You are my friend who leads me through my pain so that I can make the necessary and healing stops along the way to that place where new life is possible.